Hotel hack: If you’re trying to book a room but the hotel says they’re full, try booking again under the name “Improvement.”
Because there’s always room for improvement.
The Mediocre Joker
Welcome to the dad-a-base
The Mediocre Joker
Welcome to the dad-a-base
Adulting Quotes & Memes
I remember how horrible it felt when I couldn’t pay my electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
But other times I let her sleep in.
The other day I had just come home from work when my wife ran towards me and tore off all her clothes.
Suddenly my wife flashed before my eyes.
Last night, my wife and I watched three movies back-to-back.
Luckily, I was the one facing the TV.
My wife left me because of my gambling addiction.
But I know I can win her back.
Scientists have recentlv discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive.
It’s called wedding cake.
My wife told me I ruined her birthday.
That’s crazy, I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
Dear autocorrect, it’s not “ducking.”
It’s never “ducking.”
My wife leaned over and said, “I love your dad bod.”
I shrugged and replied, “yeah, it’s growing on me.”
My New Year’s resolution is to quit procrastinating.
I’ll start tomorrow.
I just had a near sex experience.
My wife flashed before my eyes.
My email password got hacked again.
That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
Dad jokes in the streets.
Dad bod in the sheets.
I met my wife at the adhesive factory where we both worked.
We bonded immediately.
An argument erupts during Thanksgiving dinner.
Wife: *Whispers to me*
“Don’t start taking sides this time.”
Me: *Sliding roast potatoes in pocket*
“Why not? They’re too busy yelling to notice.”
My teacher always said not to worry about correct spelling, because we have autocorrect.
And for that I am infernally grapefruit.